Screwed.edu
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Randomize