we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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