I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
