So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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