Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we made out on top of his cat.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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