My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
