come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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