We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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