He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
