quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no. you can't hotbox the world.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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