Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize