My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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