Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
