You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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