oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
