his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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