I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
