You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
