It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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