Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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