Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
