youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
