Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
