I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
