I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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