the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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