is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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