Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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