Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
