So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
