How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
