Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
