how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
