I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
