I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
