Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
