Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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