First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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