Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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