I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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