he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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