I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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