Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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