Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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