Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
