direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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