I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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