Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
