Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
