Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize