If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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