his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
