Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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