mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
