So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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