its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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