we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize