Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
