how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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