mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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