I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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