I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
