Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
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I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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