I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
