How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?