what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again