I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
